30.12.13

fresh slate


As I'm writing this blog post, I'm sitting in the allergist's waiting area, waiting for them to call my name to go get my shots. After this semester, I kind of fell off the wagon on getting my allergy shots, so the price I pay is coming every week over the semester break.

A lot like my shots, I feel like I've fallen off the wagon with blogging.  Now, I could sit here and contemplate why that may be, but I know exactly why that is.

You see, over the semester, I had a really bad experience with a photography customer. There was miscommunication and overall, we both made some bad decisions about it. I'm not playing victim, I accept that I did things wrong, but the overall experience kind of ruined photography for me.

I know they say not to let one person get you down, but it really made me think if this was my calling. And even after that, when I did my cousin's senior pictures and everyone loved them, I really questioned whether it was what I wanted to do.

Since my cousin's shoot and the fiasco in Huntsville, I've touched my camera once - to do a shoot with my friend, Allie. Beyond that, nothing.

While I've been questioning this idea of perusing photography, I found myself turning back to the one thing I know best: writing. I've been rewriting The Assassin like a mad woman, placing all my time and talent into that. And while it's great that I've been writing a lot, I feel like many other aspects of my life suffered because of it.

Even within writing, I've begun questioning things. Is self-publishing really the way I want to go? Or do I find a smaller publisher and delay the release a few years? I've done a lot of soul searching these past few weeks.

2013 was a big year. 2014 looks like it's going to be bigger. I've got plans to release The Assassin in July, I want to make my Mary Kay sales director debut in August (I've got a lot of work to do on that one! Only 9 more girls to go and help build a team!), and I'm really pushing myself to make better choices about my body.

At the end of November/beginning of December, I suffered some really bad stomach pains. I couldn't eat without feeling sick. It's better now that I'm staying at home, but I realized I can't keep eating like a college kid. So, obviously I'm going to have to make better food choices, cook more at home. I'm also going to the gym every few days with hope of going every day once I get back.

2104 needs to be a fresh slate with my life and my career. The breakdowns, the doubts, the depression, I'm going to do my bed to leave them all behind in 2014.

At least that's the plan.

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