20.11.13

burned out

it's been quite around here. And for good reason. 

I'm totally completely burned out.

I'm running on "e", just trying to survive the end of the semester. Trying to get to thanksgiving break to recharge myself and just take a break. 

I feel like I've hit a snag in life and I absolutely hate it. One of my biggest fears in life is the fear of stagnation, just staying the same all the time. 

And I think I've finally succumbed to it. Maybe it's the inspiration in my life. I see people succeeding, getting out there, falling in love, having everything I could possibly want in my life right now.

And I don't have any of it. 

Lately I've felt lazy, fat, unimportant, useless. Just taking up space.

Don't get me wrong, I feel like this a lot, but maybe now, instead of fighting it, I've just come to accept it. I'm struggling finically, I'm racking up student loan debts like crazy (and I'm not even halfway done with college yet). I'm loathing Huntsville, taking every opportunity to be home in Dallas because there are people there. 

I feel alone here. Yes, there are people who care, I know there are, but I've gotten to a point where I just feel like needing people to be there for me is a waste of time for them and I don't want to be a waste. 

It's moments like this that I feel the monster taking over again. That damn monster inside me, depression. It's awful. 

What do you do when you get to the point where you feel like there's nothing worth fighting for? Cause I'm pretty much at that point. 

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