Enough is Enough

Lately, I've been pretty frustrated. My goal at the beginning of the year was to finish my draft of The Assassin by graduation and edit it before I moved.

Well, last night, I started another new draft.

This time, I'm not telling you the reasons why it's different, but it's different, mark my words.

But, I've spent five years of my life in this book. I'm at a point where I'm starting to wonder if these past five years have been worth it, you know?

I've spent five years working on this book, and somedays I feel like I'm no better off than when I first started writing back in eighth grade.

So, I've decided, if this draft isn't something I can work with and edit into a book and hopefully query with, I'm taking a break.

The Assassin will sit on the shelf for a good long time, if not forever.

And I don't know if I'll pick up the pen (or the word document) again.

I've poured my heart and soul into this book. If it breaks me and doesn't work out, I don't know if I'll have enough spirit to try again with a different book.

Maybe I'm just at a low point, maybe the rest of this experience will be a low point, I don't know. But it's time to draw a line.

I can't spend my whole life rewriting a book over and over again, just hoping the next time will work out better.


Jenn said...

you gotta do what ya gotta do
you will get it :)

Skye said...

It's hard to let go of a story you've been working on for so long, but sometimes it needs to be done so you can grow as a writer.

I feel that there are some stories that we have to be more experienced at writing to actually write RIGHT, so you have to step away from the story and write others until you reach the point where you're finally ready to tackle it. We all have one, and when you set it down it feels like you may never go back to it - and maybe you won't. But no matter what, it has taught you more than you will ever know about writing - embrace the experience, and don't worry about whether you will ever go back to it or not right now. If it is meant to be written, you will find your way back to it one day.

But whatever you do, don't let it break your writing spirit! DON'T GIVE UP ON WRITING. Because now that you've started, you WILL regret parting with the magic of it one day.

Good luck!

Lindsey Sablowski said...

When I read this I couldn't help but feel your pain because I remember that not too long ago I was in the exact same place. Writing is all about challenging you. It's not supposed to be easy, and I think if it was anyone could be a writer... But that's what makes us writers unique. If you truly believed you've poured your heart and soul into your book, then I don't think you should give up -or at least don't give up entirely to the point where you never write again.
The novel is testing you... It's trying to see if you're strong enough, if you're dedicated enough to stay with the book -regardless of whether you stand or fall with it. That's the kind of book you want to write: one that you're proud of, one you want to stand next to regardless of where it takes you. I remember when your book was on inkpop, and I haven't seen a lot of the new material (note even sure if you've posted it anywhere), but I do know that once you started editing the book was improving. Never left a new draft scare you away.
Just remember.... Nothing can be perfect. In the end what really matters is that YOU love the book. If your heart is in this book, let the readers feel that in the words you write.
Yes there are going to be days like there where you would like to do nothing but give up entirely on the book and your writing, but remember this is only a test. Agents/publishers will be able to see if you're truly dedicated to the story because it will be in the words. I can't stress this enough because it breaks my heart when I hear writers (like you who I know has been working so hard on this project) ready to place their book on the shelf. Every time you write you're always improving, so don't let the obstacles scare you away. If you want it bad enough, don't let anybody or anything get in the way. Believe in yourself, believe in the story, believe in your characters... Because that above everything is what will get you to where you want to be.

I'm still a fan <3 Hope it gets better for ya!
(and if you ever need to talk to somebody about it, I'm always available.)

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