28.12.12

Catch My Breath

Sometimes good intentions
don't come across so well
Get me analyzing everything
that ain't worth thinkin' 'bout
Just 'cause I ain't lived through 
the same hand that was dealt to you 
doesn't make me any less, or make any more of you
I wouldn't trade my best day 
so you could validate 
all your fears

It's been a few trying days. I lost someone who meant a lot to me, but I think it's for the best. I realized that if I take this person back, it'll just be stagnate. It's the same story every time, and it's taken me a while to realize this, but I can't just stay stagnate.

This isn't a post to bash the person, I would never do that publicly to someone. Not someone who means so much to me. But these past few weeks since I came home have been nothing like I expected.

It was supposed to be a time to read and write. To relax.

Instead, I'm struggling to catch my breath. Between the drama and the fighting, the car trips to visit family members I haven't seen in four years, and all the Christmas shopping, I feel like I'm standing on one last toe.

I realized last night, part of the reason I had to let this person go was because I was afraid. My emotions always seem to run high around this person, and I'm afraid to break again. I struggle to keep strong and not crack on a regular basis. I realized if I stayed friends with this person, a breakdown was the next logical step.

I love this person, a part of me always will, but it's time to change and catch my breath.

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1 Comment:

Nikkiana said...

Sometimes that's for the best. It sucks, but sometimes some friendships don't stand the test of time and that's okay. I know there are lots of people whom I was close to at some point in my past, but as I grew and evolved into adulthood the relationship didn't mature with it. I'm thankful for the good times I had with those people, but I'm thankful that I was able to move on as well.

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