2012: A Look Back

Can y'all believe it's the last day of 2012?!?! Jeez, time flies! I usually like to do one of those year in review things, with the big, long, chunky paragraphs, but this weekend, I found a neat little questionnaire floating around a bunch of blogs, so I figured, why the heck not!

What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I went to Kansas City, graduated high school, went to Victoria's Secret, moved to Huntsville and started college. It was a big year for me. 
Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Didn't make any. And I've already made a bunch for this upcoming year. (Check tomorrow's post for that!)
Did anyone close to you give birth? One of my high school classmates (There's only 800 of them!) had a baby. But, that's it.
Did anyone close to you die?
This year? Thank God, no.
What countries did you visit?
The United States. XD
What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
More lens for my new camera. 
What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory?
August 25th! My baby sister's birthday, and the day I moved to Huntsville. 
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating high school! 
What was your biggest failure?
A lot of people left my life, and I had some set backs on my personal life, some that are still unresolved.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (Though that might have been right at the end of 2011, I'm not sure).
What was the best thing you bought?
My MacBook and my T3i.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
My roommate, Brooke. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with me, but she does it everyday, and I am so grateful to have her in my life!
Allie, my best friend in the whole world. Many people entered and left my life this past year, and she never, ever wavered when it came to staying my friend. 
Where did most of your money go?
College bills, food, and shopping. 
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Graduating, moving, starting college, then coming back home and having home cooked meals.
What song will always remind you of 2012?
"We Are Never, Ever, Ever Getting Back Together" - Taylor Swift. Not that it has anything to do with the year specifically, but.... Admit it, the thing is *everywhere*
Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder?Happier
Thinner or fatter? fatter (damn you freshman fifteen!)
Richer or poorer? poorer (I mentioned the fact that I started college, right?)
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Wish I would have taken more photos. I wish I would have spent more time with the people who are always going to be there for me. 
What do you wish you’d done less of?
People-pleasing. Trying to always resolve things. Shopping!
How will you be spending Christmas? I sang at Midnight Mass and then woke up five hours later to do Christmas presents, then to drive to Austin.
Did you fall in love in 2012?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Does my book character count?
How many one-night stands? Zero. (Purity rings tend to discourage that)
Who were your best friends?
What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?
Taught faith formation for the first half of the year. 
What were your favorite TV programs?
Castle, Nashville, Malibu Country
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? nope.
What was the best book you read in 2012? The High Heels Mysteries
What was your greatest musical discovery? the soundtrack to Nashville
What did you want and get?
A Macbook pro and a canon t3i were the big ones.
What did you want but did NOT get?
The job at Barnes and Noble.
What was your favorite film of this year?
The Avengers. I saw Jack Reacher this weekend and it was really good.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to the Sam Houston State Vs. A&M game to see my family. Went with my friend Andrew! I was 19.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More rain … cooler summer temps.
What kept you sane?
Walks with my dog, listening to my music. Singing. Reading books. Going out with my best friends. 
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Chris Young. He's a country singer. His voice is from Heaven. 
What political issue stirred you the most?
The Birth Control nonsense. 
Who did you miss?
My mom, when I'm away at college. That woman is amazing, 
Who was the best new person you met this year?
Brooke: my roommate. She's as sweet as can be. 
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
People can change.
But they usually don't. 
Quote that sums up your year:
"Just cause I ain't been through, the same hand that was dealt to you, doesn't make me any less, or make any more of you." 


Catch My Breath

Sometimes good intentions
don't come across so well
Get me analyzing everything
that ain't worth thinkin' 'bout
Just 'cause I ain't lived through 
the same hand that was dealt to you 
doesn't make me any less, or make any more of you
I wouldn't trade my best day 
so you could validate 
all your fears

It's been a few trying days. I lost someone who meant a lot to me, but I think it's for the best. I realized that if I take this person back, it'll just be stagnate. It's the same story every time, and it's taken me a while to realize this, but I can't just stay stagnate.

This isn't a post to bash the person, I would never do that publicly to someone. Not someone who means so much to me. But these past few weeks since I came home have been nothing like I expected.

It was supposed to be a time to read and write. To relax.

Instead, I'm struggling to catch my breath. Between the drama and the fighting, the car trips to visit family members I haven't seen in four years, and all the Christmas shopping, I feel like I'm standing on one last toe.

I realized last night, part of the reason I had to let this person go was because I was afraid. My emotions always seem to run high around this person, and I'm afraid to break again. I struggle to keep strong and not crack on a regular basis. I realized if I stayed friends with this person, a breakdown was the next logical step.

I love this person, a part of me always will, but it's time to change and catch my breath.



Enough is Enough

Lately, I've been pretty frustrated. My goal at the beginning of the year was to finish my draft of The Assassin by graduation and edit it before I moved.

Well, last night, I started another new draft.

This time, I'm not telling you the reasons why it's different, but it's different, mark my words.

But, I've spent five years of my life in this book. I'm at a point where I'm starting to wonder if these past five years have been worth it, you know?

I've spent five years working on this book, and somedays I feel like I'm no better off than when I first started writing back in eighth grade.

So, I've decided, if this draft isn't something I can work with and edit into a book and hopefully query with, I'm taking a break.

The Assassin will sit on the shelf for a good long time, if not forever.

And I don't know if I'll pick up the pen (or the word document) again.

I've poured my heart and soul into this book. If it breaks me and doesn't work out, I don't know if I'll have enough spirit to try again with a different book.

Maybe I'm just at a low point, maybe the rest of this experience will be a low point, I don't know. But it's time to draw a line.

I can't spend my whole life rewriting a book over and over again, just hoping the next time will work out better.


C O U R T N E Y //


A Plaid Peacock

Yesterday was my fourth full day back home. My mom and I did a little Christmas shopping and drove out to Roanoke to this little (well, I thought it would be little) boutique store called The Plaid Peacock.

The amount of Texas style things they had was endless. I loved the wall of Texas flags in Texas shaped cut-outs. As a Christmas gift, my mom bought me the gun earrings. I've never actually owned a gun, but being from Texas, I'm sure I will someday.
They also had a ridiculous amount of amazing wall signs, so I snapped a few.

I've been talking with a super strong twang ever since I saw this sign. I think

The one peacock thing in the store.....


In This Skin

I feel like lately, all of my posts have been picture spams or depressing stories.

Not today.

Yesterday, I finished my last final, so today I get to go home.

I get to spend a whole entire month at my house. In my own bed. Where I can sleep diagonal and not worry about falling off the bed and dropping four feet. I get to see some of my best friends in the next week, and then I get to see family I haven't seen since sophomore year in high school (the year I started this blog O____o).

Overall, you've got one happy blogger on your hands. And I feel like it's showing. The past few weeks, especially since I came back to Huntsville from Thanksgiving break, I've been pretty chill. I didn't get the stress of finals because thankfully, mine were mostly spread out.

I'm really working on my time management, because I have a tendiency to do way too many things at once, but I know for a fact that tomorrow will be spent doing two three things: reading, writing, and doing laundry. Tomorrow will be so relaxing.

Lately, I've been really comfortable in my skin too. Except, you know, when I have one too many slices of a pizza in a day and my jeans don't fit. Every single day this week, I put on my nice jeans, some really nice boots and nice tops. No t-shirts for me this week. And I've actually felt pretty. It's a really nice to actually feel good about myself.

I did my make-up Sunday night, like the full blown make-up, not just quick eyeliner, when I went to church (see picture above).

Every day this week, I've showered at night and braided my hair, to get this every morning:

Can I just say that the only time my hair has ever been any curlier than this was the summer I was a munchin in The Wizard of Oz?

Let's just have a little moment of remembrance for the curls that will never be again. And I can't believe I'm showing this picture, but...

Photo Credit: DeAnna McDearmont

Oh, my days as a theater kid. But, the point is, I'm loving the semi-curly, kind of wavy hair. It's kind of girly and I feel like it's pretty and it's got more character than my straight hair.

Lately, I've been feeling amazing in my skin.

Amazing enough to post a picture of myself as a munkin in The Wizard of Oz. 


before&after: cover edition



Wednesday night, I had a burst of inspiration and moved some furniture around. Now, I get to look out the window, into the depressing courtyard. My friend has called my dorm room a jail cell before, and I kind of agree with him.

In the living room, if you close all the doors, there's no way to tell whether or not it's day or night. No windows, no light, no nothing.

It's kind of depressing of depressing to think about, and I spent a lot of today struggling with being alone. I don't have that many friends and I'm shy and way too self-conscious to actually go out and meet people. Everyone already has friends, and I do have friends, but it seems like all my super close friends are in different states.

My two best friends in high school both went to the University of Arkansas. In fact, they live together, in a tiny room. A very tiny room. They've been friends forever and I've learned that it's never a good idea to have all three of us together at once, but I miss them both terribly.

Maybe it's the lifestyle of a writer, to always seem alone. I hate being alone, but I can survive. Writers are such a unique group of people. I mean, who else uses the voices in their heads to create stories?

No one.

As finals approach, my first one is tomorrow, and I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to go home, to see my friends, to be with my family.

I'm ready to not be alone.


the mega birthday present

So, even though my birthday was two weeks ago, my best friend, E.J., has to always go all out and send me my birthday present along with my Christmas present.

So it always comes in the awkward waiting period between the two.

Last year, she got me these awesome elephant bookends, which are here with me at college.

She also got me these two awesome notebooks, I mean, come on, are these just awesome?

Well, this year, she topped that. 

A lot.

Think the picture looks familiar? Oh, maybe because it's been on the blog before. This was one of the pictures from when I went to Kansas City! I seriously love her face right here. But, with some magical Evie voodoo or something, she managed to get the picture on a block of wood. Coolest thing ever!

Okay, the cowboy boot and the word are actually separate, but I took a picture of the together because it's just that awesome. Seriously, I love this sign and the cowboy boot is purple! What's not to love?!

Everyone knows my love for Joe Morelli. My mom got me hooked on these books back in the summer before tenth grade when I read all fifteen (at the time) in a week. I went through two books a day. Now, I have to wait the year for the next book to come out. These used to come out the week before my mom's birthday, so she would always get them for her birthday. Then last year, they released two, and the second came out the week after mine, so I guess that means I get them now? 

(Sorry for the fuzziness of this second one. I got a new Rebel t3i for my birthday, and I was experimenting with the focus and such) She also got me an elephant. Seriously, elephants are our favorite animals ever. And it's a Republican Elephant! (There, I officially said it. I'm out of the political closet! Took me two and a half years of blogging to do it!) 

I mentioned that I'd watched the first episode of this show to Evie a few weeks ago. And then she told me she got the first season for me! Which is totally great, because all the movies I have here I've got practically memorized, and I've got two discs left of my season four Castle DVDs. So, now I've got something else to look forward to! 

She made me a charm bracelet! She made it for me! A best friend charm bracelet! Which is totally funny that she did, because the other day, I walked past a girl and saw her bracelet and went "I want a charm bracelet." And WAHLAH! I have one now! And Evie has one for herself she made too, so we're twinkies! It's got a camera charm, a locket that has a picture of us, a cowboy boot, a purple gem, an elephant, a key, and half of a best friends heart. <3

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