27.9.12

conflicted creativity



Lately, the need for creativity has been strong...


But I've realized, most of the people I hang out with aren't very creative. Not in the same sense I am. They don't constantly spend all day daydreaming about what's going to happen next in their books....they don't have books. 

My friends don't spend all day deciding what colors would look best in a design. And I'm perfectly fine with that. For some reason, other creative people drive me nuts.
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I'm not sure why, but I kind of like being around non-creative people. Maybe I feel threatened by other creative people. The only problem with non-creative people?

They don't understand. They've never re-written a book ten times trying to make it better every time. They roll their eyes when I come up with crazy stories or make an insane design. They judge, whether or not they mean to.

Creativity, at least to me, is about being so driven to make what you love and see it flourish with love. If you've never experienced it, you can't understand the magic of creativity. People don't understand why I write. It's hard to explain my fascination with pairing fonts and colors together for a design. They can't phantom why I would have a blog when my life isn't very interesting.

And I let it get to me. I'm quiet about my books and I get really shy when people in my real life start talking about my blog. I feel like this blog is this huge big secret among my friends....

because they don't understand.

Someday, I want to be able to look back on my life and see the things that happened to me in high school and college. I look at my blog as my diary. I look at my book as my secret life that I was I could have.

I struggle with the want to be accepted and the need to create.

I'm a conflicted creative. 

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