coming out girly

(Note: this is a long post, but I didn't feel like it was long enough to break into a series.) 

The past year has kind of been a defining year for me. I don't want to link it to my break-up, but I kind of have to, since that kind of became the catalyst for all of this... well....

girly stuff.

You see, the majority of my life has been spent in t-shirts and jeans or shorts. It wasn't until junior year that I wore make-up on a regular basis. And even now, two years later, I only wear eyeliner on a regular basis.

But, it was only this past year in school I really embraced my girly side. You see, before senior year, nice shirts and blouses were off-limits for me. Not because anyone said I couldn't wear them, but because I felt like everyone stared at me. Look at Laura, she's attempting to look cute. 

It was a real war with my self-conscious to put effort into the way I looked for fear of being mocked or laughed at.

Then one day this past year, I said to hell with it and put on a nice blouse and some really big, flashy earrings. No one said anything, a couple guys looked at me, maybe trying to figure out what was different about me.

Then I made it to the class I had with my best friend at the time and she looked at me and told me "Laura, did your boobs get bigger?"

Fail! I hadn't even thought about that. The shirt I'd worn was designed specifically for that and I hadn't even realized it.

But at that point, it was too late.

Slowly, I started wearing more cute stuff, making do with the few blouses I had that didn't look like something my mom picked out. (Which was most of my shirts that weren't t-shirts). Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I don't want to dress like her yet.

And if the blouses and the earrings weren't enough, I soon discovered I had a secret love of dresses.

Of course, in a family that was born basically wearing t-shirts and shorts, it's hard to be a girly girl, especially when I'd never acted like it.

Even now, after months of slowly incorporating being a girly girl into my family, I still get occasional "You look weird!" comments from my siblings.

The downhill slope continued back in April when I was prom dress shopping with my best friend. We were in a huge mall in Dallas, so, we were far away from anyone we knew.

Then she did it. My best friend dared me to go into Victoria's Secret and walk out with something.

You have to understand, I'd never been there. I was the girl who scoffed at their commercials. I was the girl who would never wear stuff like that. My friends and I were the ones who giggled and laughed like immature teenagers when we would pass it at the mall.

So, in attempt to take the blow off of myself, I dared her to do the same thing.

We both walked out with a bra and a bunch of underwear. It was the beginning of the end. And if you've ever worn anything from there, you understand what I mean!

I don't want to say it was the bra or the underwear, but it was. Maybe it was the fact I had a bra on that actually fit correctly, but I when I put something Victoria's Secret on, I just feel this boost of confidence.

I mentioned it to my friend the other day when we went there again and she said she felt the same way. Both of us aren't stick thin, so having that extra boost of confidence is always pretty nice. It's kind of nice to be 18 and admit there are times I feel sexy.

Granted, they aren't often, but they're here more than they used to be.

I've been a bit bolder in my choice of clothes lately too. I took an old pair of jeans and made cut-off jeans with them. And as crazy at it sounds, those cut-off jeans are the shortest pair of pants I own. But I love them.

My sense of style has also blossomed. I'm matching colors based on color groups I've seen online, like in blogs and I'm picking out clothes and looking at them going "OOH! BLOG COLORS!"

I guess the point of this post is to say, I've become a girly girl, more or less and I'm not ashamed.


Anonymous said...

Good for you honey! That's a HUGE step in becoming an adult. Identifying with YOURSELF. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and you should also feel good in your own skin. Proud of you!

Ashley said...

I love this post! I've always been tomboyish and sometimes I still am, but over the past couple of years I've found myself draw to brighter colors and dresses. It's been weird, but I've still stayed true to me. I'm not buying short skirts or revealing tops, but instead going with things that still make me comfortable within my own skin - no matter what the color, shape, size, etc.

Good for you!

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