Short Snippet Saturday - The Assassin

If you remember, a while back, this little company called Harper Collins read my book, The Assassin. They gave me a great review, and yesterday,. I finally stared revisions based on the review. I ditched the prologue with Sarah's murder in favor of revealing it through flashbacks, and the opening is now a murder that Cassie is supposed to do, but something goes a little wrong. Here's the first chapter I've edited (actually, I re-wrote the whole thing). Let me know what you think!

It was eerie inside the apartment. There was no other word for it; it was just too damn eerie. But, I couldn’t place my finger on it..
            The night was approaching fast, and daylight was creeping away quickly. It was the best time of day to pull off my mission.
            The apartment was open, and wide. The furniture wasn’t homey; just there to take up space. It was a sleek, modern look that one would expect to find amongst New York’s finest bachelors.
            It was a shame he wouldn’t be around to live in it much longer. He was Jonathan Walker. He played for the New York Yankees as the up-and-coming rookie, but his career had hit a hard point when he’d gone on trial for multiple counts of sexual assault.
            That’s where I came in. The women who’d been his victims were not too pleased that he’d walked after the trial.
            So, they wanted him dead.
            The front door opened and the lights turned on, but I didn’t have to worry about him seeing me.
            I was perched up on one of the beams, high above him. By the time he saw me, he’d be dead.
            He tossed his jacket on the couch and walked to the kitchen, whistling a little tune that I didn’t know. He made himself a snack and walked back to the couch to watch TV.
            Lightning flashed across the darkening sky and he looked up. “Damn rain,” he muttered as he walked over to close the curtains.
            Then, Jonathan spun around and looked towards the bedroom. “Who’s there?” he called out.
            Silence. No one was there. I was the only person there, and I was up in the ceiling.
            He walked towards the bedroom, but stopped at the table by the couch to grab something out of the drawer in the table.
            The next strike of lightning reflected off of the object in his hand and it became apparent he was armed. That would just make my job that much harder.
            I used the distraction to my advantage and slid down the beam to the kitchen floor.
            “I don’t know who you are, but stay back. I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.” Uh, such a typical response from someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing.
            The floor shook with the thunder and something fell in the bedroom.
            Jonathan let the gun loose and the sound echoed, making my ears ring.
            I took a few more steps towards him, waiting for him to turn around so I could make a clean kill.
            Another bullet whizzed by, throwing me off. Whoever was in that room was willing to put up a fight.
            I took a step back, if this was going to be a battle of guns, I’d surely lose with nothing but some daggers.
            I slipped back into the kitchen and waited a moment.
            “Look, whoever you are, just come out and we’ll talk about this. I promise I won’t hurt-”
            It didn’t take a genius to know what had just happened. It wasn’t the gunshot that gave it away, but the sound of his body falling to the ground. If the gunshot had knocked him to the ground, he’d be dead in a few moments.
            I heard the sound of footsteps across the apartment. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done that,” a man chuckled.
            I peered out from behind the refrigerator and squinted my eyes at him.
            Get out; he’ll kill you if he finds you. He’ll kill you one way or another.
            My mind told me to leave, but my feet wouldn’t move.
            In the back of my mind, I knew this man. The terror I felt wasn’t just because he beat me to the kill.
            But why?
            The man walked out the front door, calm and casual, as if nothing had happened. The door closed and I waited a moment.
            When it felt safe to come out I went and walked over to Jonathan Walker’s body. He was dead, that was for sure. He’d probably chocked on some of his own blood.
            I bit my lip to keep myself from smelling the blood, and to keep the nausea away.
            Laying there was Jonathan Walker, dead, but not because of me. Someone had ripped me off.
            I should have killed him.
            I was the Assassin. 


Riv Re said...

That was really cool. You might actually be converting me to action/thriller/whatever-genre-this-is with your SSS. :) Nice writing.

Lala said...

Haha, thanks Riv! Glad you liked it!

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